Old Fart is a no show at Wembley!


The old fart won’t be going to Wembley…again. I won’t be eating a curly-wurly either. I didn’t want it to be Newport County because I’ve got a soft spot for them, so much so that I have written a short play about them. It is a play about the Newport County side who travelled to Germany and played Carl Zeiss Jena under Len Ashurst. I wrote it as a dedication to an old friend of mine Robert Reed or Big Bob who passed away of a brain aneurysm.

I will be devastated if Wrexham lose but I will be upset if Newport lose! I live in South Wales but my heart is on the Kop at Wrexham and before that the old wooden Plas Coch stand. Don’t tell anybody but I haven’t taken to that new fangled stand. Another excuse I shall proffer is that I can’t afford it. £39.00 or £46.00 for a Ticket then train or coach travel in front of that and after hearing of my friend’s nightmare trip to Wembley the last time where he missed extra time and the penalty shoot out I thought Nah! My Job Seekers Allowance won’t stretch to it and I can’t take the risk of seeing Iain Duncan Smith if I travel down there, to that there London like because there’s no knowing how he would extricate himself from my Ninja Neck Death Grip( No Politics Please) It will be on S4C with hopefully the dream team of Nic Parry and Malcolm Allen sylwebi-ing! (That’s commentating) I salute all you true fans who will be travelling down and don’t forget to give ‘Mae Hen wlad fy nhadau’ some ‘cajones’!

Come 5.00 clock Sunday we’ll know which Welsh team will be in the second division. If it’s extra time and penalties, I don’t think the old ticker will be able to take it. I’ll be up before the ATOS board again. I’ve actually written a short monologue about Wrexham as well just to even things out a bit. I’ll leave you with this and sincerely hope to see you all in the Second Division next season.

What’s that smell?

Wrexhamfan: placing product since 2006
The wardrobe creaks open and out steps the mummified figure wrapped in red & white bandages of……the Old Fart.

Where has he been these last three months when Wrexham F.C’s fortunes have swung like the pendulum of a grandfather clock? Trying to log back in to his WordPress Account!

Silver Surfer (My’n uffarn i) Well you know you’re not going to get a blow by blow match analysis from this fellow. Hats off to the Boss (Mark Griffiths) for those. When you were all basking in the subterranean heat of Wembley Way, yours truly was in West Wales, at a secret location just south of Aberystwyth trying to work out the buttons on a remote control! On a visit to family I had discovered that the deadly double act of Nic Parry and Malcolm Allen were wordsmithying across the screens of S4C and being a Bilingual Old Fart (I can talk rubbish in Welsh & English) I decided to settle down with a Curly Wurly,(Product Placement) a Cup of Coffee and the Cat on my lap!

Well by the end of the 90 minutes, the cat had no fur left! I was up and down out of my seat like a fiddler’s elbow. My voice was as hoarse as Malcolm Allen’s by the end. What a game! Tense! I heard from a mate that he had left at the end of the ninety minutes to get back to Victoria to catch his coach back to Cardiff. It was only when he got back to his des res in Das Kapital that he discovered the drama that had unfolded. He also moaned about the price of a pint of beer! £4.00 for a pint of water, hops and barley. Watching those penalties reminded me of the game against Brighton and I thought the Grimbleweeds would be jammy enough to pip it again but the best team on the day took it! / Wrexham / (Oops slipped back to my seven year old self there)

So here we are again! I didn’t think top of the table was sustainable! Wrexham are not a machine! We are a team of vulnerable and emotional human beings who give not a fig for the heart conditions and nervous tics and dispositions of their fans. Well at least it won’t be Luton this year and we have beaten Mansfield, Grimsby and Newport (at home) and drawn with the County (away)I was there!

I hope we don’t get Newport out of the three! We should have enough confidence and charisma to get second spot. The novelty of the Blue Conference is waning now! We want to go to exotic locations again like….Rochdale and Morecambe and Aldershot! Bring it On!

Sound Effect of Creaking Door as Old Fart returns to his Cardiff Sarcophagus!

Old Fart Down the Diff

I live not far from the Cardiff City stadium and have you noticed how changing to the Red Strip has improved their fortunes this year. Although having lived in its vicinity for almost a quarter of a century the antipathy I feel towards the Bluebirds is tangible. I went to Ninian Park once with a friend from North Wales and vowed I would never go again after having my earlug battered by a racist having a go at the black referee. It has always surprised me how a number of celebrity North Walians choose to follow the ‘so called’ Capital’s team (Only made a Capital in 1957) The Super Fluffy or is it Furry Animals sponsored a strip but they are from North West Wales so I suppose it was a tossup between Bangor and Cardiff

From here I have travelled to Bristol Rovers, Bristol City and Swindon. When I was working in London I got to all the games in the South East and the Midlands. In fact by now, I think I have probably been to as many away games as I have home. The way I talk and write about Wrexham you probably think I am a very old man with a long white beard who looks a bit like Methusala but you might be surprised to learn that I am ‘only’ 46, a spring chicken in old fart terms.

I am writing this just to see my name on a Blog Post again. It’s a Buzz and I thank Mark Griffiths for giving me the opportunity. I remember writing to a Newspaper in Wreham, it wasn’t the Leader, was there one called the Express once and asking for a job as a Cub reporter. I had read a book by Derek Lambert called ‘Don’t Quote me But..’ and was enthused by the possibility of becoming a reporter. The advice in this book said ‘Be Bold, tell them who you are and tell them that they would be foolish not to employ you. Well I did and the letter I got back was not very complimentary telling me not to be such a big head.

Most of you reading this get to the home games and have opinions and are passionate, why not get them down ont screen and send them in. I feel a bit of a Fraudulent Old Fart being so far away and my ramblings are not really up to date but hey, better late than never!

Return of the Old Fart!

Back by popular demand, the author of one blog post, the Old Fart returns to the Wrexham Supporters Blog.

As an exile down South Wales for a quarter of a century I don’t go to many games but I did go to the Newport v Wrexham game last Friday. I spent the afternoon in Newport library having caught the bus from Cardiff then made my way via the scenic route of Stow Hill and the Transporter Bridge to Somerton Park.

I had been to the Rugby Ground once before about twenty years ago to see a Rugby Match between Newport and Cardiff and the ground was more or less the same. Huge Wrexham Following who were queueing at the tiny caravan that doubled as Programme Seller.

Great support for an evening game very impressive. I think it was 462 but it sounded and looked a lot more than that! What I have always noticed and remarked upon with the Wrexham away support is the humour and the banter. A good laugh with ‘Pipe’ Newport’s right back getting the ‘Fat Bastard’ award on the night!

As Mark Griffiths mentioned in his match description it was a tense and stressfull affair! What struck me, not having seen the team live was how small we are! I thought Ken Dodd’s Diddy Men had taken the field against the Newport Giants, the scorer Danny Wright excluded. I thought immediately, bring Glen Little on quick! We were good, organised, skillfull, tactically astute but we were also sloppy giving the ball away in defence and midfield too often.

Newport’s O’Connor, always looked dangerous and I felt towards the end of the game that we were playing to Newport’s strengths, not ours! We should have won that game but it appears that there was a tacit acceptance just after Newport scored that it would be a draw. Justin Mayebi in goal was sound and kept us in the game. As a 5 foot 8 small person myself I felt at home amongst the vertically challenged Wrexham team and thought perhaps wrongly that perhaps we should sign a couple of Giants in the January Transfer Window. One in Attack and One in the centre of defence.

We need to go up this year as champions not in the play offs because odds on we will draw Luton again and lose our bottle. We have served out time and apprenticeship at this level now and we are a tight, tidy skillfull side. At the end of the season perhaps Andy Morrell will give us a full “We are not worthy Ayattollah salute” unlike the perfunctory effort he gave us at Newport. Perhaps he was dissapointed that we didn’t come away with a win.

The Way we Were!

I challenge any Wrexham fan not to think of their old man when listening to the old Gladys Knight number ‘The Way we Were’ and not to wipe a tear away, when thinking of the games you saw together standing on the terraces or sitting in the old Plas Coch stand.

I arrive at the Wrexham Blog as a self proclaimed old fart! I look at the results from a distance and try and get to a couple of away games, as an exile down South. I’ve been to Swindon, Bournemouth, Bristol City, Northampton, Peterborough, Leyton Orient, Brentford, Brighton over the years, all in the name of Wrexham FC. We lost those games but it didn’t matter because I don’t know about you but I always look at any game through nostalgic eyes.

Even now I am looking at Wrexham through the eyes of a teenager on the terraces. Every game is essentially the FA Cup win over Arsenal.

Duw, we’re in a good position this year but where did Fleetwood come from ? The only time I’d heard of them before was when I was on holiday as a nipper in Brittany (there’s posh) and there was a trooping some colour in this fishing village and who marched through but Fleetwood Sea Scouts on kazoos and drums. I kid you not!

Fleetwood isn’t very far from Preston and Wrexham V Preston North End was the first game I ever saw at the Racecourse in the 1970′s. We were at where the Kop is now! Paid 15p I think to go and sit in some old cinema seats above the Kop! Can somebody tell me that that was true and I am not imagining it! You didn’t want to stand and celebrate a goal because the whole stand would shake. It wasn’t safe mun!

The next game I saw was Wrexham V Leicester City and Frank ‘Playboy’ Worthington was playing for them. We must be talking 75, 76 round about there. I was well into us, them by the promotion side of 77 but funnily enough it was the Bobby Roberts era of the early 1980′s I remember best.

Call me a traitor or a part timer but when we got relegated to the Blue Circle Cement League I asked a cousin to take all my programmes from that era to a charity shop in Wrexham to get shot. They were all a strange size in light Green with Red stripes across and Bobby Roberts in action pose. I should have kept the one against Newcastle United where Keegan was playing and we beat them 4-2 and we were sat in the old Plas Coch stand on the corner. Eh, I’m waxing lyrical here now and me a new boy! Apologies, nostalgia ain’t what it used to be. More Ramblings from a Nostalgic old fart very soon!

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